


Texts From a Ninja

by sakurasencha



Category: G.I. Joe - All Media Types, G.I. Joe: Renegades
Genre: Angst, Crack, During Canon, F/M, Humor, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakurasencha/pseuds/sakurasencha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Texting will never be their preferred method of communication, but it's still faster than morse code.</p><p>Chapter 4: An Affair to Remember - All secrets have a way of coming to the surface...</p><p>*All images now fixed!!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. bc ily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake Eyes knew he'd have to give some kind of explanation for running off, even if he could never tell her the real one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After rewatching Renegades I think you could make a very strong case for SE/S to be romantically involved before the start of the show and that's the way I choose to interpret their scenes together. This takes place post episode Going Under after Snake Eyes rides off in a huff after seeing Scarlett and Duke hug (bc even though he's the deadliest ninja to ever ninja he clearly can't handle his emotions), and bridges the next episode when Snake Eyes finally shows Shana the truth about her father.

 

* * *

 

**Text Version**

 

_Today 7:48 PM_

 

[S] Snake?

 

[SE] ?

 

[S] Where did you go? Where are you?

 

[SE] im in a tree

 

[S] Okay…

[S] Why are you in a tree?

 

[SE] tired

[SE] need space from ur grunts

[SE] and u kno how i like trees

 

[S] Okay. I get it you need some time

[S] But when will you be back?

[S] Soon?

[S] Because with everything going on lately I think we’re close to breaking Cobra open

 

[SE] ur prbly right

 

[S] and it could happen any moment and we really need you around

 

[SE] dont worry

[SE] ill b there 4 u and D

 

_Today 8:02 PM_

 

[S] Enough.

[S] I’m done.

[S] Two hours ago I thought I was going to die and I’m tired of going around your stupid ninja circles of silence and I’m just going to say it

[S] Snake I know what you saw but it’s not what you think

 

[SE] how do u kno what i think

 

[S] hmmmm good question MAYBE because right after I hugged Duke you flew onto your bike and rode off without a word

[S] Without a sign

 

[SE] that was unrelated

 

[S] Oh right. I bet you just heard a bird crying for help and your bleeding heart had to run off and find it

 

[SE] explains the tree

 

[S] Snake I swear sometimes you’re worse than a teenager. I give Duke one hug. ONE. What do you think is happening here? Do you think you’re losing me or something?

 

[SE] ur not rly mine 2 lose

 

[S] Okay….

[S] What the hell do you expect me to sayto that?

[S] Is that what you realy believe?

 

[SE] idk

 

[S] because I don’t know i just never know with you I don’t know what you thnk about anything especially us

 

[SE] idk

[SE] im sry

 

[S] and I don’t know what else I can do after all these years after all we’ve been through at universty and langley and even when I knew literally nothing about you there was still nothing I wouldn’t give you and I feel like I’ve given you everything I can

 

[SE] im sry

[SE] forget it

 

[S] No I won’t because you think it’s true you think what we have means nothing to me

 

[SE] no

[SE] just that i dont think u blong 2 me

 

[S] and what else can I even do or say to convince you it does

[S] because obviosly Im not doing enough?

 

[SE] no u r

[SE] ur perfect

 

[S] because I give Duke one hug and suddenly everything between us is ???

 

[SE] not bc of u

[SE] bc of me

[SE] bc of guys like D who r perfect like u

 

[S] No. He’s not.

[S] I’m not.

[S] I know you hate parts of yourself but why do you think I hate them too?

 

[SE] im sry

 

[S] Duke is a guy who could be a thousand other guys and he gave me back my locket.

 

[SE] i kno

 

[S] I know you know. You know what it means to me it’s what started everything.

 

[SE] ur right

[SE] im sry

 

[S] Snake I can’t keep doing this, talking like this is stupid we get nowhere

[S] I need to see you. Can you please just come back?

 

[SE] not yet

[SE] ive been wrong

[SE] wrong about everything

[SE] i need 2 fix it

 

[S] What are you talking about?

 

[SE] need 2 finish a job

[SE] cobra job

[SE] old job

[SE] and something i need 2 show u

 

[S] I don’t understand any of this just come back and talk to me!

 

[SE] cant tell u

[SE] u need 2 c it

[SE] trust?

 

[S] Fine.

[S] Yes.

[S] But how long will it take?

 

[SE] dont kno

[SE] mb awhile

 

_Today 8:51 PM_

 

[SE] sh?

[SE] u there?

 

[S] Are you leaving?

 

[SE] ?

 

[S] Are you telling me “cobra job” but really running off on some ninja walkabout?

 

[SE] whats a walkabout

 

[S] Nothing. 

 

[SE] i dont lie 2 u

 

[S] I know. So you’re coming back?

 

[SE] ofc

[SE] always

 

[S] Because I need you to come back. Because you promised, remember? You and me against the snakes?

 

[SE] always

[SE] i will always come back 2 u

[unsent] bc ily


	2. Timber it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett isn't too happy about the stray friend Snake Eyes picks up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I decided to add more because the idea of S/SE blowing up each other's phones is too adorable to let go.
> 
> This takes place during the episode "White Out," a conversation set during that imaginary interval between when Snake Eyes first found Timber and Storm Shadow attacked him. It also doubles as an explanation for how Scarlett knew exactly what to name timber. Slightly cracky.

  


 

* * *

 

Text Version:

 

[SE] hey

[SE] guess what

 

[S] Snake!!!

[S] Where the hell are you?

 

[SE] im in canada

 

[S] Stop being an ass

[S] I’m serious

[S] Where are you and why did you run off like that?

 

[SE] i found a wolf

 

[S] Of course you did….

[S] Look, in case you haven’t noticed we’re being chased by both US border patrol and Canadian mounties

[S] Not exactly the time to go pet shopping

 

[SE] but its a wolf

[SE] and it was hurt

[SE] and it needed me

 

[S] Wow, so we’re stuck in a frozen wasteland with no food and no supplies and no working vehicle and I really don’t care about this wolf’s problems

 

[SE] u would if u saw his face

 

[S] I really wouldn't

 

[SE] but shana

[SE] it was caught

[SE] in a man trap

 

[S] NO

[S] DO NOT get up on your animal loving soap box, I do not want to hear it

 

[SE] y would someone do that

 

[S] What did I just say about not starting this discussion again?

 

[SE] its an offense to nature

 

[S] Just stop

[S] Roadblock is fixing up the Coyote and Tunnel Rat’s suicidal friend wants us gone by first light tomorrow

[S] So we really just need you back here asap so we can figure out our next move

 

[SE] but what about the wolf

 

[S] It’s a wolf

[S] Leave it where you found it and come back here it will be FINE

[S] But if we don’t get out of here soon we will not

 

[SE] ok

[SE] i guess ur right

 

[S] Of course I’m right

 

[SE] but

[SE] i really like him

 

[S] No

 

[SE] and i think he likes me

 

[S] No

 

[SE] do u think i can keep it?

 

[S] The answer is NO

 

[SE] ill take care of it myself

 

[S] This is not a negotiation

 

[SE] u wont have to do anything

 

[S] Snake, I told you weeks ago there will be absolutely no animals in the Coyote, especially not a WOLF

 

[SE] y not?

 

[S] Because it’s a wolf, Snake Eyes. They’re dangerous animals

 

[SE] only to the people i will train it to attack

 

[S] Plus they eat raw meat

 

[SE] so do i

 

[S] Yeah, you’re really not helping your case right now

 

[SE] but weve already bonded

[SE] hes nuzzling me rn

[SE] and u kno ive always wanted a wolf

 

[S] You’re not going to let this wolf thing go, are you?

 

[SE] nope

 

[S] Fine

[S] Okay

[S] How about this

[S] We’ll leave the wolf here for now, and then when all of this is over we’ll come back and pick him up

 

[SE] u promise?

 

[S] Sure

 

[SE] that wasnt very convincing

 

[S] Seriously, Snake Eyes?

[S] Fine

[S] I promise on my father’s empty grave we will come back for the wolf

[S] How was that?

 

[SE] a little better

 

[S] You’re such an ass sometimes, you know that?

 

[SE] yes

[SE] i do

[SE] bc u remind me so much

 

[S] Very funny

[S] So have you given your precious wolf a name?

 

[SE] i was thinking wolf

 

[S] Snake...

[S] Come on

[S] You can’t name a wolf “wolf”

 

[SE] y not?

 

[S] It’s not a real name. It’s like what if I just called you “ninja”

[S] Come here, ninja

[S] Go slice up those biovipers, ninja

[S] Good ninja, want a ninja treat?

 

[SE] 1

[SE] most people do call me ninja

[SE] 2

[SE] i still think wolfs a good name

 

[S] We’re not naming him wolf!

 

[SE] so now its ours?

 

[S] Okay I’m really not in the mood to argue about this anymore

[S] Just tell me what kind of wolf it is

 

[SE] timber

 

[S] Fine

[S] “Timber” it is

[S] It’s not “wolf” but it’s just as unoriginal

[S] Does that work for you?

 

[SE] i can live with it

 

[S] Good, now can you please get back here?

[S] Snake?

[S] Snake are you there?


	3. The Package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normally, it’s endearing. But there are times when Snake Eyes' overprotective nature can get a bit...out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cracky fic. This one is post canon, taking a look at our OTP a few years down the road.

* * *

 

**Text Version:**

 

[SE]: im sorry

 

[Shana]: For what?

[Shana]: Is an ancient foe from your past heading our way with an army of angry ninja?

 

[SE]: no

 

[Shana]: Did a jilted apprentice poison you and burn down our house?

 

[SE]: not quite

[SE]: meeting w hawk went long

[SE]: im stuck in traffic

[SE]: i need u to pick up the package

 

[Shana]: That’s it?

[Shana]: A little anticlimactic

 

[SE]: i said i was sorry

 

[Shana]: What time is the package usually ready to ship?

[Shana]: 1530 hours?

 

[SE]: 1605 hours

 

[Shana]: Shouldn’t be a problem

[Shana]: I’ll be out of here in time

 

[SE]: thanks

 

[Shana]: Sure

 

[SE]: do u want me to go over protocol?

 

[Shana]: Why would I want you to do that?

 

[SE]: no reason

 

[Shana]: Because I know what the protocol is

 

[SE]: i kno

 

[Shana]: And I’m perfectly capable of getting the job done, thank you

 

[SE]: i kno

 

[Shana]: So then why did you ask?

 

[SE]: its just

 

[Shana]: What?

 

[SE]: nothing

 

[Shana]: It’s not nothing

[Shana]: You clearly want to say something

 

[SE]: no i dont

 

[Shana]: So say it

 

[SE]: u wont get mad?

 

[Shana]: Say it

 

[SE]: i have nothing to say

 

[Shana]: There will be no place you can hide if you don’t say it right now

 

[SE]: i only asked

[SE]: bc last time

[SE]: u didnt follow protocol

 

[Shana]: What are you talking about?

[Shana]: In what way did I not follow protocol?

 

[SE]: im just saying

 

[Shana]: Because I followed your stupid protocol to the letter

[Shana]: I got there thirty minutes early, just like you instructed

[Shana]: I swept the perimeter, double checked all entrances and exits, logged all nearby license plates and even took pictures of bystanders, which are usually just a bunch of moms in sweatpants, if you recall

 

[SE]: i do

 

[Shana]: What the hell more could I have done?

 

[SE]: u did perimeter sweep of the building

[SE]: but u neglected sweeps of nearby properties

 

[Shana]: Are you serious?  
[Shana]: They’re just a bunch of houses

 

[SE]: we dont kno who lives there

[SE]: they could be anybody

[SE]: i also kno

[SE]: that last time u picked up the package

[SE]: u didnt take binoculars

 

[Shana]: So?

 

[SE]: so

[SE]: how would you see threats coming

[SE]: from a klick away?

 

[Shana]: I’m not even going to answer such a ridiculous question

[Shana]: All you need to know is that I will pick up the package, I will follow the protocol, and I will get the damn job done, okay?

 

[SE]: fine

[SE]: just make sure you bring your m16

 

[Shana]: Snake Eyes

[Shana]: I am not bringing an automatic rifle to our daughters elementary school

 

[SE]: ur right

[SE]: that would be inappropriate

 

[Shana]: Very inappropriate

 

[SE]: how about just ur m9?

 

[Shana]: I’m done with this conversation

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I hope that made sense to everyone. Feedback appreciated :)


	4. An Affair to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All secrets have a way of coming to the surface.

  


 

* * *

TEXT VERSION

 **[SE]** shana

 

 **[S]** Yeah?

 

 **[SE]** where r u?

 

 **[S]** I’m at home, where do you think?

 

 **[SE]** oh rly?

 **[SE]** r u hiding under the bed?

 **[SE]** in the closet somewhere?

 

 **[S]** What are you taking about?

 

 **[SE]** bc im at home and u r def not here

 

 **[S]** WHAT?

 **[S]** How can you be home already?

 **[S]** That mission in Melaka was supposed to last three weeks!

 

 **[SE]** i finished early

 

 **[S]** I see. Did Venom come out of hiding earlier than expected?

 

 **[SE]** more like i found his hiding spot

 **[SE]** and sent the wolf in after him

 

 **[S]** Ouch

 **[S]** We always suspected Timber had a taste for snakes

 

 **[SE]** stop trying to sidetrack me

 **[SE]** u havent answered my question

 **[SE]** where r u?

 

 **[S]** Well...

 

 **[SE]** answer please

 

 **[S]** I’m so sorry Snake Eyes

 

 **[SE]** what r u sorry for

 **[SE]** wait

 **[SE]** r u with him??

 

 **[S]** I’m sorry

 

 **[SE]** ur with him arent u

 

 **[S]** Yes

 

 **[SE]** u told me it was over

 

 **[S]** It was!

 **[S]** And then you left and he called me up, and then one thing led to another...

 

 **[SE]** so ur saying tonights just a one time thing?

 

 **[S]** Not

 **[S]** Exactly

 

 **[SE]** ok

 **[SE]** how long has it been going on?

 

 **[S]** Please don’t make me answer

 

 **[SE]** how long

 

 **[S]** I tried, Snake Eyes

 **[S]** Please believe me, I tried to stay away

 **[S]** But he gives me something that I need, and I don’t think you’ll ever understand that

 

 **[SE]** what do u mean?

 

 **[S]** Sometimes my life feels empty, you know?

 **[S]** As much as I love you, sometimes I need to do what feels right for me

 **[S]** Which is why when you left for that mission a few months ago, I invited him over for dinner, and that’s when everything started up again

 

 **[SE]** u mean he was in our house?

 

 **[S]** Yes

 **[S]** Please don’t be mad

 

 **[SE]** im not mad

 **[SE]** but u should let him know he might get a visit from a very hungry wolf soon

 

 **[S]** Don’t take it out on Roadblock!

 **[S]** It’s not his fault that I feel this way

 **[S]** If anything it’s your fault

 

 **[SE]** how can u say that?

 **[SE]** im not the one cheating!

  
**[S]** Because it’s true!

 **[S]** I’ve tried telling you so many times that it’s not working out, but do you listen?

 **[S]** I can’t live like this anymore

 **[S]** I mean, tonight Marvin made me pasta!

 **[S]** Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had pasta?

 

 **[SE]** pasta is poison

 **[SE]** i will never stop throwing the pasta u buy into the garbage

 

 **[S]** This is exactly what I’m talking about!

 **[S]** So yes, I cheated

 **[S]** On my diet

 **[S]** And I’m sorry

 

 **[SE]** its our diet, but fine

 **[SE]** i understand

 **[SE]** anyone can make a mistake

 **[SE]** but its time to tell Marvin and his pasta that its over for good

 

 **[S]** I can’t do that Snake Eyes

 

 **[SE]** what?

 

 **[S]** I can’t go back

 **[S]** I know you won’t like it, but there it is

 

 **[SE]** i rly dont know what to say

 **[SE]** its like i dont even know u anymore

 

 **[S]** Don’t be like that

 **[S]** You knew who I was and what I ate from the moment we met

 **[S]** Snake, please don’t make me choose between you

 **[S]** Don’t you see that I need both you and carbs in my life?

 

 **[SE]** i dont know

 

 **[S]** Look, you must be starving

 **[S]** Why don’t you come over and we can talk it out, all three of us?

 **[S]** Marvin made enough pasta for three, and everything’s organic

 

 **[SE]** fine

 **[SE]** ill be over in ten minutes

 

 **[S]** And you’ll leave Timber at home?

 

 **[SE]** i make no promises

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that wasn't too silly, but the prompt for Shipping Week Day 6 was "Pasta" and I have a distinct obsession with the idea of Snake Eyes as a health nut, foisting his nutty, healthy ways onto Scarlett.


End file.
